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Asking For Help Makes You a Good Leader
- Lindsay Sheldrake
- Dec 1, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 29
Welcome to "Diary of a Leader" - Real Stories, Leadership Lessons, and Personal Growth
Welcome to "Diary of a Leader" - Real Stories, Leadership Lessons, and Personal Growth
Leadership is a journey full of ups, downs, and plenty of chaos in between.
Welcome to Diary of a Leader, where I share real stories about the good, the bad, and the awkward moments of being a leader.
And today, I'm talking about a leadership lesson that many of us struggle with: the importance of asking for help.
The Pathway of Excellence and Its Hidden Trap
Let's start with this: if you've landed in a leadership or management role, it's likely because you're exceptional at what you do. Your journey to this point was paved with hard work, expertise, and a commitment to excellence.
But here's the catch: that same pathway of excellence can make it incredibly difficult to ask for help. Why? Because if you've been consistently praised for your ability to "handle it all," it can feel like asking for help is admitting failure.
The reality is, leadership and management aren't about doing all the things yourself. They're about empowering others to excel at their work while you focus on your role. And yet, when our plates are overflowing, we often fall into the trap of thinking we have to shoulder everything ourselves.
My Story: Overwhelm and the Wake-Up Call
Here’s a personal example.
Back when I was working as a traditional manager, my plate was always overflowing. While this fueled my inner overachiever (and, if I'm being honest, some less-than-healthy behaviors), it also made me resistant to asking for help.
One day, while the company owner was away on a trip, one of our sales team members burst into my office, practically bouncing with excitement. She had just sold a massive project—the largest we'd ever taken on.
So, how did I respond? Did I cheer her on? Offer congratulations?
Nope. I went straight into overwhelm mode.
I couldn't stop thinking:
● How can I possibly manage this?
● Do we even have the team to pull this off?
● Is our facility equipped to fabricate something this complex?
● Will we be able to execute this well?
Instead of celebrating the opportunity, I spiraled into negativity. My plate was already beyond full, and this felt like the tipping point.
The Conversation That Changed Everything
Later that week, I checked in with my boss. He immediately picked up on my stress—probably because I was practically vibrating with it.
While he was thrilled about the new project, he could see I was not. So, he did what great leaders do: he listened. He let me dump all my concerns out on the table without interruption, judgment, or dismissiveness.
And then, he said something simple but profound:
"We will figure it out. You are not on your own. We've got this."
Those few sentences completely changed my perspective. Suddenly, I felt less alone. His reassurance didn't just calm me down—it also made me reflect on why I was so overwhelmed in the first place.
When he asked why this project felt so overwhelming, I finally admitted the truth: my plate was always full, and I felt like I was walking a constant tightrope of stress. His next question stopped me in my tracks:
"Why didn't you ask for help?"
My immediate response?
"Because if I ask for help, it means I'm not doing a good job."
Why Asking for Help Is a Leadership Strength
That conversation was a turning point. My boss reminded me that leadership isn't about doing everything yourself. It's about leaning on your team and recognizing that asking for help isn't a weakness; it's a strength.
A year later, I was at a leadership mental health seminar, and something a speaker said hit me like a ton of bricks:
"Asking for help isn't just about you—it's also about giving others the opportunity to help."
That perspective completely reframed the way I thought about asking for support. By reaching out, you're not failing; you're creating a moment for collaboration. It's a reminder that leadership is a shared experience, not a solo mission.
How Asking for Help Strengthens Your Team
Here's what I've learned about asking for help as a leader:
It Builds Trust With Your Team
When you ask for help, you show vulnerability. And vulnerability builds trust. Your team sees you as human, and that fosters deeper connections. According to research from Brené Brown, vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. Leaders who embrace vulnerability create safer, more collaborative work environments.
It Empowers Others to Grow
Asking for help gives others the chance to step up, showcase their skills, and contribute in meaningful ways. You're creating opportunities for growth, not just delegating tasks. When team members feel trusted to support leadership initiatives, engagement increases by up to 40%, according to Gallup research.
It Models Healthy Workplace Behavior
When you're open to asking for help, you set an example for your team. They'll feel more comfortable coming to you when they need support, which strengthens the overall culture of the organization. This creates a culture of psychological safety where team members can speak up, share ideas, and collaborate without fear of judgment.
How to Start Asking for Help as a Leader
If asking for help doesn't come naturally, here are a few ways to start:
Reframe Your Thinking About Help
Asking for help isn't a failure. It's a strategic move. It shows you're focused on the bigger picture and committed to doing what's best for the team. Research shows that leaders who ask for help are viewed as more competent, not less.
Communicate Clearly and Specifically
Be specific about what you need and why. This helps others understand how they can best support you. Instead of saying "I need help," try "I need someone to review this project timeline and identify potential bottlenecks."
Recognize the Value You're Creating
Remember, by asking for help, you're giving someone else the opportunity to contribute. That's not a weakness; it's a gift. You're showing trust in their abilities and creating space for collaboration.
Start Small and Build Confidence
If the idea feels overwhelming, start with smaller asks. Practice leaning on others in manageable ways until it becomes more natural. Try asking a colleague for input on a decision or delegating a small task you'd normally handle yourself.
What Happens When Leaders Don't Ask for Help?
When leaders resist asking for help, several negative patterns emerge:
Burnout increases. Leaders who try to do everything themselves experience higher stress levels and emotional exhaustion.
Team development stalls. When leaders don't delegate or ask for support, team members miss opportunities to grow and develop new skills.
Decision quality decreases. Without diverse input and collaboration, leaders make decisions in a vacuum, leading to blind spots and poor outcomes.
Organizational culture suffers. Teams mirror leadership behavior. If leaders don't ask for help, team members won't either, creating a culture of isolation rather than collaboration.
Real-World Examples of Leaders Asking for Help
Some of the most successful leaders openly discuss the importance of asking for help:
Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, transformed Microsoft's culture by emphasizing learning and collaboration over individual achievement. He openly asks for input and encourages vulnerability at all levels.
Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks, credits much of his success to seeking advice from mentors and being willing to admit when he didn't have all the answers.
Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, built a strong leadership team and regularly asked for their input on major decisions, recognizing that collective wisdom outperforms individual genius.
Final Thoughts on Leadership and Asking for Help
Here's the takeaway: Leadership is not a solo act. By asking for help, you strengthen your team, build trust, and create opportunities for collaboration and growth.
So, next time you're feeling overwhelmed, don't shoulder it all yourself. Ask for help. It might just be the best leadership decision you make.
Catch you next time, fellow leaders-in-training—and remember, great leaders know the value of both giving and receiving help.
Stay tuned for more reflections and lessons from the trenches of leadership in the next installment of
"Diary of a Leader"
FAQ: Asking for Help as a Leader
Why do successful leaders struggle to ask for help?
Successful leaders often struggle to ask for help because they've been rewarded throughout their careers for solving problems independently. They may fear that asking for help signals incompetence or weakness. However, research shows that leaders who ask for help are perceived as more competent and build stronger, more collaborative teams.
How can I ask for help without appearing weak?
Asking for help doesn't make you appear weak. It demonstrates self-awareness, strategic thinking, and trust in your team. Frame your request clearly and specifically. Instead of saying "I can't handle this," say "I'd like your expertise on this challenge. Can you help me think through the best approach?"
What are the signs that I need to ask for help at work?
Key signs include feeling constantly overwhelmed, missing deadlines, declining work quality, increased stress or irritability, difficulty sleeping, and a sense that you're always playing catch-up. If your workload prevents you from focusing on strategic priorities, it's time to ask for support.
How does asking for help improve team performance?
When leaders ask for help, they create opportunities for team members to contribute, develop new skills, and feel valued. This increases engagement, builds trust, and fosters a collaborative culture. Teams with leaders who ask for help report higher job satisfaction and better performance outcomes.
What's the difference between asking for help and delegating?
Asking for help is acknowledging that you need support and inviting collaboration. Delegating is assigning specific tasks or responsibilities to team members based on their roles and capabilities. Both are important leadership skills, but asking for help involves more vulnerability and shared problem-solving, while delegating is about distributing work effectively.
